You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2007.
From Carrie.
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THE NEW 2007 PENIS TAX LAW
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that;
69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed,
10% of the time it is hard up,
20% of the time it is pissed off
and 1% of the time it is in the hole.
On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will now be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10 – 12″ Luxury Tax $300.00
8 – 10″ Pole Tax $250.00
5 – 8″ Privilege Tax $150.00
4 – 5″ Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12″ must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.
From Carrie.
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I think this is a cool story – wanted to share it with the bloggers.
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Gray Wolf’s Howl Could Mean Incoming Call
Environmental Group Offers Animal Ringtones
An environmental group is offering free cell phone ringtones of more than 40 endangered and rare species.
The sound samples are available at RareEarthTones.org.
The co-founder of the Center for Biological Diversity, Peter Galvin, came up with the idea as a way to educate people, especially the younger, technologically savvy generation.
The ringtones include the howl of a Mexican gray wolf, the bellows of an Arctic beluga whale and the voices of several species of frogs and birds, including the blue-throated macaw, boreal owl, mountain yellow-legged frog and Yosemite toad.
The environmental group hopes that the more people hear these sounds, the more they’ll wonder where they came from and question the fate of the animals that make them.
“People really respond to the wildlife ringtones. The animal calls are fascinating, they personalize your phone and they sound cool when it rings,” Galvin said.
From Carrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEW 2007 PENIS TAX LAW
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that;
69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed,
10% of the time it is hard up,
20% of the time it is pissed off
and 1% of the time it is in the hole.
On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will now be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10 – 12″ Luxury Tax $300.00
8 – 10″ Pole Tax $250.00
5 – 8″ Privilege Tax $150.00
4 – 5″ Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12″ must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.
From Carrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think this is a cool story – wanted to share it with the bloggers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gray Wolf’s Howl Could Mean Incoming Call
Environmental Group Offers Animal Ringtones
An environmental group is offering free cell phone ringtones of more than 40 endangered and rare species.
The sound samples are available at RareEarthTones.org.
The co-founder of the Center for Biological Diversity, Peter Galvin, came up with the idea as a way to educate people, especially the younger, technologically savvy generation.
The ringtones include the howl of a Mexican gray wolf, the bellows of an Arctic beluga whale and the voices of several species of frogs and birds, including the blue-throated macaw, boreal owl, mountain yellow-legged frog and Yosemite toad.
The environmental group hopes that the more people hear these sounds, the more they’ll wonder where they came from and question the fate of the animals that make them.
“People really respond to the wildlife ringtones. The animal calls are fascinating, they personalize your phone and they sound cool when it rings,” Galvin said.
From Irene.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who just turned 50 is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed, and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.”
The husband replies, “What did he say about your 50-year old ass?”
“Your name never came up!” she replied.
Woman stabs lover over poor sex
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (UPI) — A Russian woman visiting her Swedish boyfriend is accused of stabbing him in the lung after an argument over disappointing lovemaking. Police in the northern Swedish town of Lulea told the newspaper Norrlandska Socialdemokraten that the couple agrees the dispute is tied to dissatisfaction with their sex life — but their story differs on other points, The Local newspaper in Stockholm reported. The woman, who was visiting her boyfriend on a short-term visa, claims she stabbed her boyfriend in self-defense. The man, who was seriously injured in the attack, claims the fight was solely because of her disappointment with the evening’s sex.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
From Irene.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who just turned 50 is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed, and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.”
The husband replies, “What did he say about your 50-year old ass?”
“Your name never came up!” she replied.
Woman stabs lover over poor sex
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (UPI) — A Russian woman visiting her Swedish boyfriend is accused of stabbing him in the lung after an argument over disappointing lovemaking. Police in the northern Swedish town of Lulea told the newspaper Norrlandska Socialdemokraten that the couple agrees the dispute is tied to dissatisfaction with their sex life — but their story differs on other points, The Local newspaper in Stockholm reported. The woman, who was visiting her boyfriend on a short-term visa, claims she stabbed her boyfriend in self-defense. The man, who was seriously injured in the attack, claims the fight was solely because of her disappointment with the evening’s sex.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
Albert, a good friend of mine, sent in a label that he found.
It’s rather humorous so here it is.
.
.
Man finds ‘Declaration’ scroll for $2.48
NASHVILLE (UPI) — A Tennessee man was right to buy the scroll he found in a thrift shop was worth the $2.48 asking price — it’s a rare copy of the Declaration of Independence. The Nashville Tennessean reported that Michael Sparks, a music equipment technician, found the scroll marked “1823″ at the Music City Thrift Shop, took it home and began researching it on the Internet. He found that in 1820, Secretary of State John Quincy Adams commissioned 200 copies of the Declaration. The one Sparks found was printed by William Stone in 1823. “I’m told that it could go for between $200,000 and $300,000,” Sparks told the Tennessean. Sparks plans to sell his find through Raynors’ Historical Collectible Auctions of Burlington, N.C., which specializes in historic documents. Bidding is set to begin at $125,000.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
Pommes Souffles (puffed potatoes or souffleed potatoes).
Souffle potatoes must be cooked twice. Once at a low temperature (325) and a second time at a high temperature (375). At the second high temperature cooking the surface of the potatoes crisp instantly and form a waterproof skin, which will cause them to swell as the moisture inside turns quickly to steam causing the slices to puff up. The age of the potatoes is important. New potatoes have too much moisture and will not puff, and old potatoes that are soft will not puff.
Cut potatoes in slices 1/4 to 3/8 inch thick, and soak the sliced potatoes in ice water for at least 25 minutes. Drain them thoroughly and dry them thoroughly. Have 2 pans with oil on the stove, each with about 3 inches of oil. Heat one to 325 degrees and the other to 375 degrees. Carefully drop the slices into the 325 degree oil and cook for 6 to 7 minutes, either shaking the pan or moving the potatoes around with a long handled utensil The potatoes should begin to blister after about 5 minutes and rise to the top – continue cooking for an additional 1 minute. Using a slotted spoon or skimmer, remove the potatoes and drain on paper towels until they begin to soften. At this point the potatoes may be cooked the second time or held at room temperature for several hours for later service. To cook the second time, return the potatoes to the 375 degree oil – they should swell instantly.
DO NOT PUT TOO MANY POTATOES IN THE 375 degree oil at once –
the oil MUST remain very hot for the potatoes to puff. Cook until golden brown, moving them around in the oil – remove and drain on paper towels, discarding any slices that have not puffed.
Albert, a good friend of mine, sent in a label that he found.
It’s rather humorous so here it is.
.
.
Man finds ‘Declaration’ scroll for $2.48
NASHVILLE (UPI) — A Tennessee man was right to buy the scroll he found in a thrift shop was worth the $2.48 asking price — it’s a rare copy of the Declaration of Independence. The Nashville Tennessean reported that Michael Sparks, a music equipment technician, found the scroll marked “1823″ at the Music City Thrift Shop, took it home and began researching it on the Internet. He found that in 1820, Secretary of State John Quincy Adams commissioned 200 copies of the Declaration. The one Sparks found was printed by William Stone in 1823. “I’m told that it could go for between $200,000 and $300,000,” Sparks told the Tennessean. Sparks plans to sell his find through Raynors’ Historical Collectible Auctions of Burlington, N.C., which specializes in historic documents. Bidding is set to begin at $125,000.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
From Carrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When it is time to park the motorcycles due to ice and snow, there is no need for ’speed withdrawal’-
here is the perfect replacement !!!
.
.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m suppose to park the bike for the winter?
When I was racing, we raced year round. Ice and snow meant nothing to us.
And they still do this today. Here is an ad for a recent Ice Race.
.
We would prepare the bikes by adding special ice grabbing cleats to our tires.
These high tech and highly specialized devices are known as ’screws’.
Pommes Souffles (puffed potatoes or souffleed potatoes).
Souffle potatoes must be cooked twice. Once at a low temperature (325) and a second time at a high temperature (375). At the second high temperature cooking the surface of the potatoes crisp instantly and form a waterproof skin, which will cause them to swell as the moisture inside turns quickly to steam causing the slices to puff up. The age of the potatoes is important. New potatoes have too much moisture and will not puff, and old potatoes that are soft will not puff.
Cut potatoes in slices 1/4 to 3/8 inch thick, and soak the sliced potatoes in ice water for at least 25 minutes. Drain them thoroughly and dry them thoroughly. Have 2 pans with oil on the stove, each with about 3 inches of oil. Heat one to 325 degrees and the other to 375 degrees. Carefully drop the slices into the 325 degree oil and cook for 6 to 7 minutes, either shaking the pan or moving the potatoes around with a long handled utensil The potatoes should begin to blister after about 5 minutes and rise to the top – continue cooking for an additional 1 minute. Using a slotted spoon or skimmer, remove the potatoes and drain on paper towels until they begin to soften. At this point the potatoes may be cooked the second time or held at room temperature for several hours for later service. To cook the second time, return the potatoes to the 375 degree oil – they should swell instantly.
DO NOT PUT TOO MANY POTATOES IN THE 375 degree oil at once –
the oil MUST remain very hot for the potatoes to puff. Cook until golden brown, moving them around in the oil – remove and drain on paper towels, discarding any slices that have not puffed.
From Irene.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I’m a golfer,” says the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”
“Who said my dad’s dead?”
The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s 100 years old,” says the old golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that’s why he’s still alive . . he’s a golfer too.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my grandpa’s dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather is still living!Incredible, how old is he?”
“He’s 118 years old,” says the old golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So,I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it, “Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to? The bride is pregnant…”
From Carrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When it is time to park the motorcycles due to ice and snow, there is no need for ’speed withdrawal’-
here is the perfect replacement !!!
.
.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m suppose to park the bike for the winter?
When I was racing, we raced year round. Ice and snow meant nothing to us.
And they still do this today. Here is an ad for a recent Ice Race.
.
We would prepare the bikes by adding special ice grabbing cleats to our tires.
These high tech and highly specialized devices are known as ’screws’.
From Irene.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I’m a golfer,” says the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”
“Who said my dad’s dead?”
The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s 100 years old,” says the old golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that’s why he’s still alive . . he’s a golfer too.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?”
“Who said my grandpa’s dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather is still living!Incredible, how old is he?”
“He’s 118 years old,” says the old golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So,I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
“No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it, “Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to? The bride is pregnant…”
Test your knowledge of food facts.
The answers, as always, are below.
1) What vegetable of the marrow family takes its name from a medieval French word meaning “cooked by the sun.”
2) In April, 2001, Italian astronaut Umberto Guidoni and Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield brought some luxury food items with them to the International Space Station. Can you name these luxury foods?
3) The fruit from this tree is called ‘monkey bread’ and is eaten as is or used to make a drink, its flesh is dried and ground into flour, and the leaves are dried and crushed for flavoring. Even the pulp of the tree is sometimes eaten. What is the name of this tree?
4) What is the name of the yeast-raised dinner roll created accidently by the baker at a Boston Hotel in the 1870s?
5) This dish takes its name from the pan it is cooked in, which in turn comes from the Latin word for ‘pan’ or ‘dish.’ It originated in the Valencia region, traditionally cooked outdoors and eaten right from the pan. What is the name of this Spanish dish, AND the two ingredients common in all variations of it?
6) This traditional dish of a central European country can trace its origins back to the ninth century Magyar shepherds. Originally it consisted of chunks of meat and onions, slowly cooked until all the liquid was boiled away, and then dried in the sun. The meat could then be used to prepare a stew by boiling it in water. What is considered the key ingredient was added to the recipe in the 18th-century. What is the name of this dish, the country of origin and the key ingredient?
7) This ‘fruit’ will not ripen on the tree. They must be picked from the tree to initiate ripening because the leaves supply a substance that prevents ripening. The best way to store them is to leave them on the tree; they will store for 7 months or more when left on the tree. What is the name of this ‘fruit’?
This sweetest of all fruits has a 55% sugar content. The tree has no blossoms because the flower is inside the fruit. What is this physically unusual fruit?
9) Native to the Mediterranean areas and the Middle East, this vegetable was used as a flavoring by the ancient Greeks and Romans and as a medicine by the ancient Chinese. It was first cultivated in Europe for medicinal purposes. Cultivation of the plant for food was first recorded in France in 1623, and was probably developed there or in Italy. By the early part of the 18th century, there had been improvement of the wild type previously transported to Italy, France, and England, and as early as 1726, the plant was being used in England to flavor soup and stews. The modern variety we all now know, was first cultivated in Kalamazoo Michigan, in 1874. Name this common vegetable.
10) First made at the beginning of the 20th century, this candy was named after a race horse of the time. Name the candy and the racehorse.
Answers
1) Pumpkin, from the medieval French ‘pompom’, ultimately, probably from the Greek ‘pepon.’
2) Regiano Parmesan cheese and Canadian salmon.
3) The Baobab Tree.
4) Parker House Rolls, created at Boston’s Parker House Hotel.
5) Paella, rice, and saffron.
6) Hungarian goulash (gulas) is the traditional stew of Hungary and Paprika was added in the 18th century.
7) Avocado.
Figs are the sweetest of all fruits, with a 55% sugar content. The flower of the fig is inside the fruit, so there are no blossoms on fig trees. Sort of like an inside out strawberry.
9) Celery, and the common modern variety is Pascal celery.
10) The candy is lollipop, the race horse was Lolly Pop.
From Corrine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a bar in Ramona, California, probably Cheers, and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching TV. One of Hillary’s political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, “Hillary is a horse’s ass!”
The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the side of the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.
After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was Hillary country.”
“It’s not!” replied the bartender. “This is horse country!”
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