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Geno came by on the bike the other day.
It was a crappy day out, weather-wise.
I asked him what was up.
“Let’s go for a ride,” he said.
“The weather sucks. I’m not going anywhere,” I informed him.
“What are you? A Wussini?” he asked me.
“What’s a Wussini?” I replied.
“A Wussini is the Queen of the Wussies,” he answered.
“I’m not a Wussini,” I announced.
“Then go get your bike out!” he enthused.
“The weather sucks,” I came back with.
“Wussini!” he proclaimed.
“I’m not a Wussini,” I demanded.
“Wussini!”
“Stop calling me that!”
“Wussini!”
“Do you actually think that if you keep saying that, I’m gonna change my mind about riding in crappy weather and just go get my bike out?”
“Wussini!”
“I’ll go get my bike out.”
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And so it went again with Geno.
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Let’s see, that makes it;
GENO – 25,000,021
TRAMP – ZERO
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But I’m gonna keep trying!
No, I don’t know why.
“A friend of mine once told me to shoot first and ask questions later. I was gonna ask him why, but I had to shoot him first.”
- John Wayne
I’m currently hanging about sipping on a Canuck beer. I’m home now after spending the evening visiting with some old friends, something I don’t do often enough. And I have a question for you, one that a friend asked me tonight. See if you can get it right.
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How many of each sex of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
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The answer is none.
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Noah had the ark.
If you’ve got them by the balls,
their hearts and minds will follow.
- John Wayne
In the news.
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*****
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A breath might soon foretell disease
BOULDER, Colo. (UPI) — U.S. scientists have created a technique that analyzes a person’s breath to detect trace compounds that might provide early warning signs of disease.
BOULDER, Colo. (UPI) — U.S. scientists have created a technique that analyzes a person’s breath to detect trace compounds that might provide early warning signs of disease.
A team led by Jun Ye, a physicist at JILA — a joint facility of the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the University of Colorado at Boulder — demonstrated the optical technique for simultaneously identifying tiny amounts of a broad range of molecules in the breath, potentially enabling a fast, low-cost screening tool for disease.
“It is exciting to imagine the potential of analyzing all major biomarkers in one’s breath at once,” said Ye. “For example, nitric oxide can indicate asthma but it also appears in breath with many other lung diseases, including chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, cystic fibrosis and bronchiectasis.
“However,” he added, “if we simultaneously monitor nitric oxide, carbon monoxide, hydro-peroxide, nitrites, nitrates, pentane and ethane, all important biomarkers for asthma, we can be much more certain for a definitive diagnosis of this important disease.”
The research is reported in the journal Optics Express.
That comes straight from the Fictionary.
Use these words when you want people to leave you alone!
“To me, boxing is like a ballet,
except there’s no music, no choreography,
and the dancers hit each other.”
- Jack Handey
From TZ.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently picked a new doctor.
After a couple visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh, no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either!”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said, “No, my last doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”
“No,” I said.
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you even give a shit?”
From Irene.
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John was a sales clerk’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late.
“Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?,” they asked.
“Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,” said Tommy.
The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
“Son, this robot is a lie detector; now tell us where you went after school.”
“We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie.”
“What did you watch?” asked Marsha.
“The Ten Commandments. ” answered Tommy.
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”
“I am ashamed of you Son,” said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.”
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
“Boy, did you ever ask for that one! Moreover, you cannot be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!”
The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped her three times.
“A couple had two children, a boy and a girl, who both turned out to be gay. At first they remained closeted, but they were both musicians, and when they found themselves quasi-famous, they feared being exposed in the press and decided it was better if they were forthcoming about their sexuality. The daughter has scheduled a press conference for this afternoon in which she plans to introduce her life partner to the press and tell the world she’s a lesbian. And the son’ll come out tomorrow.”
- Cynthia MacGregor
From Trev.
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A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs? ”
She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. “
Morris and Sherry were married for five years and sex was becoming routine and boring.
“Look,” said Morris , “if you don’t put some more action into it in the sack, I’m gonna go out and get me some strange stuff.”
“Listen, Romeo,” said Sherry , “if you could somehow manage just a teensy inch or two more, you’d be into some strange stuff right here!”
An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Debra replied, “Could you jack off? I feel like crap.”
The Texan, seated in the hotel cocktail lounge, beckoned the waitress back and said, “May I have a piece of ass?”
“Lord!” She said astonished. “That’s gotta be the most direct proposition I’ve ever had in my life. But why not? Let’s go on up to your room.”
When they returned, she said, “And now sir, will there be anything else?”
“Yeah, lil’ Lady.” the cowboy replied. “I still need ah piece of ass for mah drink.”
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
“On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embarrassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal.”
- Jay Leno
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