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I put the new clutch in the scoot, and I think she went insane. I now believe that she’s actively trying to kill me. But I ain’t scared (yeah, I know, ain’t ain’t a word). She’s crazy fast now. And I’m not real bright when it comes to speed. Come to think of it, or women either!
Alright then, I guess you need more than that, huh? Well, here’s the story. I had to load a machine on this truck. And when I say ‘machine’, I mean a ‘Cincinnati Horizontal Mill’. But what I forgot was that my ‘take care of the details’ man is an idiot. And when I say my ‘take care of details man’, I mean me. The machine weighed several thousand pounds. And when I say ’several’, I mean six. The truck was rated at ‘One Ton’, which I thought meant ‘a lot’. Apparently (and when I say ‘apparently’, I mean ‘whoda thunk?), one ton does NOT mean six thousand pounds. And I’d like to take this opportunity to say, “It ought to!”
From Irene. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. Â The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. “I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some teed-off husband wrote me and said that he’d kill me if I didn’t stop screwing his wife.” “So stop,” the barkeep said. “I can’t,” the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. “The prick didn’t sign his name!”
ELGIN, Ill. (UPI) — An Elgin, Ill., car wash owner said the city asked her to take down a message on her sidewalk marquee that promised the best “hand job” in town.
I’m watching ‘Lethal Weapon’ right now. It’s probably the best movie ever. Have you seen it? I mean the real version. The one with the schoolyard sniper and the fifteen year old hooker Mel pays to watch the ‘Three Stooges’ with him? It’s the ‘Director’s Cut’. If you haven’t seen it, you haven’t seen ‘Lethal Weapon’. And you really should.
I’ve had an odd week. I crushed a thirty seven thousand dollar truck, and I burned the clutch out of my Harley. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “Oh my God! How could you do such a thing?” Well, I blame it on Geno. It’s hard to keep up with him when we’re riding, and a clutch can take only so much. But I’ve got a new ‘Screaming Eagle’ clutch in my hand and it’ll be in the scoot tomorrow, so it’s not a problem. Hey, it’s only a clutch after all! . . . . . Oh, you meant the truck? Well, it turns out that even a big truck can only take so much weight. If you go over that, the truck gets crushed. Who knew? It scared the shit out of Bobby! And I never liked the truck that much anyway. But let me tell you this much, a big machine can really put a truck in it’s place fast! I saw that up close and personal yesterday. But I say fuck it. Nobody got hurt, nobody died, and the truck, even after it was crushed, hauled the load. It still runs now, it just ain’t pretty no more. And that’s okay, neither am I!
“What’s the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.” — Scott Roeben
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