Dear Abby

Some funny Dear Abby letters from Snopes.

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each
other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he
never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what
he can get?
GERTIE

DEAR GERTIE: I don’t know. What’s he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d
like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d
like?
CAROL

DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don’t work.

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had
a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a
baby this big be that early?
WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: No, it’s the last thing I want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
same time?
JAKE

DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and
he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he
ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, “I’ve
heard a lot about you”?
RITA

DEAR RITA: It depends on what you’ve heard.

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age
with no bad habits.
ROSE

DEAR ROSE: So would I.

DEAR ABBY: What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and Day.

Let’s Be Careful With Those ‘Bite Me’ Remarks

Police: Conn. woman bitten after ‘bite me’ remark (AP) – MERIDEN, Conn. – An instructor at the Connecticut Police Academy has been charged with disorderly conduct after he allegedly responded literally to a co-worker’s “bite me” remark. Francis Woodruff, a former Waterbury police captain, was arraigned Tuesday and released on a promise to appear in court. He was accused of biting the arm of 42-year-old Rochelle Wyler, a license and applications analyst at the academy, on April 24. According to the arrest report, she was left with teeth marks and bruising on her left triceps. Wyler filed a complaint April 28, alleging the 51-year-old Woodruff was agitating her by calling her a clerk. She said she responded with “bite me”— and he did. Woodruff, who also is a training co-ordinator with the Meriden Police, told authorities he was joking around.

A New Olympic Sport Maybe?

Report: Olympic torch resembles a joint — VANCOUVER, British Columbia (UPI) — The ceremonial torch for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver, Canada, resembles a hand-rolled marijuana joint, observers say. Unofficially designated British Columbia’s largest cash crop, marijuana is popular in Canada’s westernmost province, and the Toronto Star’s bureau there said there’s a lot of nudging and winking about the torch’s similarity to a “spliff.” “I’m sure the organizers didn’t intend for it to look like a joint, but that’s what a lot of people are seeing,” said Jodie Emery, editor of Cannabis Culture magazine. The 3-foot-long Olympic torch will be carried by 12,000 people in relays across 28,000 miles before the Games. It was designed to resemble the lines left behind by skiers and skaters on snow and ice, and is built out of stainless steel, aluminum and sheet molding, the report said.

DUIBC?

Cops: Driver was under influence of bowl of cereal (AP) NEEDHAM, Mass. – A Massachusetts man may wish he had breakfast in bed instead of in his car. Police said a man who was stopped for erratic driving on Central Avenue last week was eating a bowl of cereal and milk while he drove. He told officers he was hungry. Lt. John Schlittler told The Boston Globe that the 48-year-old man, whose name was not released, was also driving with an expired license. The man has been cited for unlicensed operation, failure to stay in lanes and operating to endanger. Schlittler didn’t know what kind of cereal the driver was eating.

Veggie Tales

Race car made of veggies runs on chocolate – COVENTRY, England (UPI) — A British university team has unveiled a new race car that includes vegetables among its components and runs on chocolate and vegetable oil. The WorldFirst team of Warwick University said their car can reach 145 mph and includes a body made from potatoes, a steering wheel made from carrots and a seat made from soy beans, The Sun reported Tuesday. The team said the car uses only plant-based lubricants and the vehicle’s biodiesel engine runs on vegetable oil and refined oils from chocolate. Team members said they are hoping Formula One racing officials will change regulations to allow the car and its unusual fuel to participate in championship races. “We hope the Formula One teams will see that an environmentally friendly car is not necessarily a slow car,” a team spokesman said. “We expect our new materials to be used by the Formula One cars of the future.”

Comments

The comment section is now fixed. This is both good and bad news. It’s good news for me because now I can see what you have to say. And it’s bad news for you because now I can backtalk again!