” Brentwood Barbie” This princess Barbie is sold only at Green Hills Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
” Hendersonville Barbie” The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Minivan, matching gym outfit and 2 children. Traffic jamming cell phone and soccer bags sold separately. .
“Gallatin Barbie” This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
“Cool Springs Barbie” This Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
“Ridgetop Barbie” This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
” West End Barbie” This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
” Springfield Barbie” This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Ridgetop Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
“Vanderbilt Barbie” This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Vanderbilt Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
” Antioch Barbie” This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
” Bellevue Barbie” She’s perfect in every way. We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always out a-‘huntin’.
” Dickerson Road Barbie/Ken” This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.