Who Reads What

Who Reads What Newspapers?

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who suck dick, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

At Home Depot

From Sweet.

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Geno was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Sweet to Home Depot.

At Home Depot, Sweet saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Walt was finished, Sweet asked ‘How much for that faucet?’
Walt replied, “That’s pewter and it costs $300.’
“‘My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!’ Sweet exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Geno had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Walt yelled, “Sweet, you wanna screw for that hinge?”
Sweet replied, “No, but I will for the faucet.”

This is why you can’t send Sweet to Home Depot.

xoxoxoxo

Tell-Tale Signs

From Corrine.

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How to Spot a Hunter with a DUI Conviction
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Monkeying Around In Pittsburgh

That’s not pot, that’s my monkey
PITTSBURGH (UPI) — Two monkeys stolen early Monday morning have been returned to their Washington County, Pa., owner, Grant L. Kemmerer III. Kemmerer said widespread media reporting was to be credited for the safe return of the rare primates, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported. He said he received a phone call from a woman who would not give her name or phone number, but wanted to make arrangements to return the spot-nose guenon and a mon guenon. The woman was accompanied by a teenage boy and simply handed over the Monkeys. “Apparently teenage boys had heard that there was marijuana growing in my greenhouse,” Kemmerer said, basing his speculation on what the woman told him. “We use the greenhouse to grow tropical plants” to feed the exotic animals whose nutritional needs cannot be met by local grocery or pet stores.