You are currently browsing the daily archive for April 26, 2006.
Today is day one of mowing the front yard. Yes, I said day one. It takes me two days just to mow the front yard. When I mention this to people , they ask, “Why don’t you get a bigger mower?”. I have a John Deere diesel tractor. They don’t come any bigger. “What takes so long?”, they ask. Here is a picture taken from the middle of my front yard.
You can see my house off to the left. And yes, this is the middle. There is an equal amount behind me. I’ll be done with it tomorrow. Of course I still have the back yard. Don’t you just love grass growing season?
Today is day one of mowing the front yard. Yes, I said day one. It takes me two days just to mow the front yard. When I mention this to people , they ask, “Why don’t you get a bigger mower?”. I have a John Deere diesel tractor. They don’t come any bigger. “What takes so long?”, they ask. Here is a picture taken from the middle of my front yard.
You can see my house off to the left. And yes, this is the middle. There is an equal amount behind me. I’ll be done with it tomorrow. Of course I still have the back yard. Don’t you just love grass growing season?
Today is day one of mowing the front yard. Yes, I said day one. It takes me two days just to mow the front yard. When I mention this to people , they ask, “Why don’t you get a bigger mower?”. I have a John Deere diesel tractor. They don’t come any bigger. “What takes so long?”, they ask. Here is a picture taken from the middle of my front yard.
You can see my house off to the left. And yes, this is the middle. There is an equal amount behind me. I’ll be done with it tomorrow. Of course I still have the back yard. Don’t you just love grass growing season?
Workplaces seem to have their own ‘speak’ which in no way resembles the real world. Here are some of the newer ones.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line answer to the couch potato.
SITCOM: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trial was a prime example. Bill Clinton’s Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the s**t out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for some computer commands.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.
Arriving at the town hall seconds before closing time, a couple caught a judge as he was about to leave and asked him to marry them. The judge asked if they had a license, and when they said they did not, he sent them off to get one.
They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up and managed to get a license from him.
When they returned to the judge, he looked the license over and pointed out to them that they had filled the names in backwards…..her’s where his should be, and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk’s office, caught him again, and obtained another license.
This time, the judge noted that the clerk had used the incorrect format when he filled in the date, so he sent them back to the clerk again.
After several reissued licenses, the judge finally appeared satisfied. “I hope you understand why I made you keep going back,” he said. “Any irregularities in the license would mean that your marriage would not be legal. Subsequently, any children you might have would be technical bastards.”
“Funny,” the groom commented, “that’s exactly how the clerk referred to you.”
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
I’ve seen a lot of bad mug shots. But this one gets the prize. And it’s a prize you don’t want.
Tramps Riverbank II 
Recent Comments