You are currently browsing the daily archive for June 22, 2006.
I was hit one time on my motorcycle. A fella pulled out in front of me as I was going sixty miles per hour down the road. I hit him broadside and was thrown about three hundred feet. I was injured quite severely. My bike was destroyed. I know this happens all the time, but my wreck was a little bit different. I’m telling this story to show how widespread the driving stupidity really is. It is not limited to a certain type of driver.
The fella that pulled out in front of me was not in a car. He was riding a motorcycle!
I was hit one time on my motorcycle. A fella pulled out in front of me as I was going sixty miles per hour down the road. I hit him broadside and was thrown about three hundred feet. I was injured quite severely. My bike was destroyed. I know this happens all the time, but my wreck was a little bit different. I’m telling this story to show how widespread the driving stupidity really is. It is not limited to a certain type of driver.
The fella that pulled out in front of me was not in a car. He was riding a motorcycle!
Geno brought this news item to my attention. We both had to laugh at the last sentance.
For the sixth year in a row, thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts roared into downtown Knoxville to kick off the Honda Hoot rally, which is expected to bring millions of dollars into the local economy.
As row after row of Hondas, Suzukis, Harleys and other brands were parked by their owners at World’s Fair Park for the rally’s kickoff, event coordinators said they have formalized an agreement to keep the annual event in Knoxville through 2009.
Bikers from across North America are attending the rally, which is scheduled to wrap up Saturday night with a downtown street party on Gay Street.
This one is from my wife.
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy butI thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her..She said, “I have some really great news!” I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.” She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told Her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!” Then she said, “There’s More.” I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said………………………………………………….
“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”
Geno brought this news item to my attention. We both had to laugh at the last sentance.
For the sixth year in a row, thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts roared into downtown Knoxville to kick off the Honda Hoot rally, which is expected to bring millions of dollars into the local economy.
As row after row of Hondas, Suzukis, Harleys and other brands were parked by their owners at World’s Fair Park for the rally’s kickoff, event coordinators said they have formalized an agreement to keep the annual event in Knoxville through 2009.
Bikers from across North America are attending the rally, which is scheduled to wrap up Saturday night with a downtown street party on Gay Street.
This one is from my wife.
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy butI thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her..She said, “I have some really great news!” I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.” She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told Her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!” Then she said, “There’s More.” I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said………………………………………………….
“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”
I was hit one time on my motorcycle. A fella pulled out in front of me as I was going sixty miles per hour down the road. I hit him broadside and was thrown about three hundred feet. I was injured quite severely. My bike was destroyed. I know this happens all the time, but my wreck was a little bit different. I’m telling this story to show how widespread the driving stupidity really is. It is not limited to a certain type of driver.
The fella that pulled out in front of me was not in a car. He was riding a motorcycle!
Geno brought this news item to my attention. We both had to laugh at the last sentance.
For the sixth year in a row, thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts roared into downtown Knoxville to kick off the Honda Hoot rally, which is expected to bring millions of dollars into the local economy.
As row after row of Hondas, Suzukis, Harleys and other brands were parked by their owners at World’s Fair Park for the rally’s kickoff, event coordinators said they have formalized an agreement to keep the annual event in Knoxville through 2009.
Bikers from across North America are attending the rally, which is scheduled to wrap up Saturday night with a downtown street party on Gay Street.
This one is from my wife.
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy butI thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her..She said, “I have some really great news!” I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.” She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told Her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!” Then she said, “There’s More.” I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said………………………………………………….
“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”
10 THOUGHTS TO PONDER IN 2006
10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
2. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration
10 THOUGHTS TO PONDER IN 2006
10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
2. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration
Let’s get back to business
In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.
Touch-tone telephone keypads were originally planned to have buttons for Police and Fire Departments, but they were replaced with * and # when the project was cancelled in favor of developing the 911 system.
Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.
Calvin, of the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, was patterned after President Calvin Coolidge, who had a pet tiger as a boy.
Watching an hour-long soap opera burns more calories than watching a three-hour baseball game.
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of real camels.
You can actually sharpen the blades on a pencil sharpener by wrapping your pencils in aluminum foil before inserting them.
To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine.
Seven out of every ten hockey-playing Canadians will lose a tooth during a game. For Canadians who don’t play hockey, that figure drops to five out of ten.
A dog’s naked behind leaves absolutely no bacteria when pressed against carpet.
A team of University of Virginia researchers released a study promoting the practice of picking one’s nose, claiming that the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social connotations.
Among items left behind at Osama bin Laden’s headquarters in Afghanistan were 27 issues of Mad Magazine. Al Qaeda members have admitted that bin Laden is reportedly an avid reader.
Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.
At the first World Cup championship in Uruguay, 1930, the soccer balls were actually monkey skulls wrapped in paper and leather.
Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas.
Let’s get back to business
In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.
Touch-tone telephone keypads were originally planned to have buttons for Police and Fire Departments, but they were replaced with * and # when the project was cancelled in favor of developing the 911 system.
Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.
Calvin, of the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, was patterned after President Calvin Coolidge, who had a pet tiger as a boy.
Watching an hour-long soap opera burns more calories than watching a three-hour baseball game.
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of real camels.
You can actually sharpen the blades on a pencil sharpener by wrapping your pencils in aluminum foil before inserting them.
To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine.
Seven out of every ten hockey-playing Canadians will lose a tooth during a game. For Canadians who don’t play hockey, that figure drops to five out of ten.
A dog’s naked behind leaves absolutely no bacteria when pressed against carpet.
A team of University of Virginia researchers released a study promoting the practice of picking one’s nose, claiming that the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social connotations.
Among items left behind at Osama bin Laden’s headquarters in Afghanistan were 27 issues of Mad Magazine. Al Qaeda members have admitted that bin Laden is reportedly an avid reader.
Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.
At the first World Cup championship in Uruguay, 1930, the soccer balls were actually monkey skulls wrapped in paper and leather.
Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas.
10 THOUGHTS TO PONDER IN 2006
10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
2. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration
Let’s get back to business
In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.
Touch-tone telephone keypads were originally planned to have buttons for Police and Fire Departments, but they were replaced with * and # when the project was cancelled in favor of developing the 911 system.
Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.
Calvin, of the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, was patterned after President Calvin Coolidge, who had a pet tiger as a boy.
Watching an hour-long soap opera burns more calories than watching a three-hour baseball game.
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of real camels.
You can actually sharpen the blades on a pencil sharpener by wrapping your pencils in aluminum foil before inserting them.
To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine.
Seven out of every ten hockey-playing Canadians will lose a tooth during a game. For Canadians who don’t play hockey, that figure drops to five out of ten.
A dog’s naked behind leaves absolutely no bacteria when pressed against carpet.
A team of University of Virginia researchers released a study promoting the practice of picking one’s nose, claiming that the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social connotations.
Among items left behind at Osama bin Laden’s headquarters in Afghanistan were 27 issues of Mad Magazine. Al Qaeda members have admitted that bin Laden is reportedly an avid reader.
Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.
At the first World Cup championship in Uruguay, 1930, the soccer balls were actually monkey skulls wrapped in paper and leather.
Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas.
I received a comment from a firefighter about the whole helmet issue. I’m not going to get into an arguement about helmets with a firefighter. Not because I think helmets are good or bad. But because I have too much respect for firefighters.
Here are men and women who lay their lives on the line to protect us every day. Trying to save the lives of people they have never met while risking their own. How do you thank people like that? You can’t. And even more importantly, they don’t expect it. They do it because they believe it is the right thing to do. And it is. Most of us simply don’t have what it takes to do this job day in and day out. But ask a firefighter why he or she does it and they will invariably answer that they love it. They are a special breed of people that we simply cannot live without. Think about that and don’t forget to thank them every time you see them. Even though they may act like it’s no big deal, we know that it is. And we owe them our undying gratitude.
To the firefighter who responded to me, and to all of the other firefighters out there, thank you for the services you provide. And thank you for being that special type of person. We couldn’t survive without you. And we do appreciate who you are.
Geno sent me this. And just at the right time, too. I’ve been upset with the motorcycle business and this one made me laugh. Thanks Geno, I can always count on you to lighten my mood. To the rest of you, I pray you have a Geno in your life. He is a large part of what makes life worth living. I love ya, bro!
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.” The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I’ll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.”
Tramps Riverbank II 
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